Will Bella go for the Dog or for the Bat?
by Unicornpug
Summary: Pick up line contest between our two favorite Twilight characters: Edward and Jacob.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: READ AND REVIEW, PEOPLE! :) HOW HARD IS IT TO REVIEW? :)) JUST PUT A SMILEY, IT WOULD DO. :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**BY: IRONCOW**

Jacob: Hi Bella! I'm ready for my pick up lines! Get ready, 'coz you might wet yourself with its awesomeness!

Bella: Are you doing it already?

Jacob: Not yet, actually.

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Jacob: Is it warm in here, or are you in heat?

Bella: Jacob, you're all covered up. Of course you'll feel warm.

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Jacob: I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.

Bella: Disgusting! Jacob! You have to try better if you want to date me!

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Jacob: Whoa! Look at that puppy!

Bella: Where?

Jacob: Me!

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Jacob: I must be a Dog Flea, because I'm stuck on you.

Bella: Gross. So you're like Edward? You suck blood and stick?

Jacob: No!

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Jacob: Hey, bitch!

Bella: Asshole!

Jacob: When I say "bitch", I mean it as a compliment!

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Jacob: Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.

Bella: I haven't even given you your collar yet. How will I leash you without any collar?

Jacob: Really? You're going to give me a collar?

Bello: No.

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Jacob: Baby, you are what I call a hot dog!

Bella: So, you think I'm delicious?

Jacob: Well… I am a little hungry…

Bella: Edward!

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Jacob: Come on, Bella, don't make me beg!

Bella: That's it?

Jacob: You don't like it? It's kind of ironic. You know, with me, begging, like a dog.

Bella: It's not good, Jacob.

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Jacob: Hey there, beautiful… looking for an Alpha dog?

Bella: Isn't Sam the Alpha dog of your pack?

Jacob: Yeah. But I think I can be a better Alpha dog with you.

Sam: Jacob? What did you just say?

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Jacob: Hey Gorgeous, can I buy you a liver treat?

Bella: That's gross. I'd rather eat a dog!

Jacob: What? Animals have animal rights! How dare you!

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Jacob: I can go from furry to naked in 1.3 seconds.

Bella: You time it?

Jacob: Well, yeah. Is that bad?

Bella: No. Just, weird.

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Jacob: Will you be the mother of my puppies?

Bella: You have puppies? Where?

Jacob: No, but if you want to make some…

Bella: That's not right.

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Jacob: Want to play a game? You can be the Little Red Riding Hood and I'll be the big Bad Wolf!

Bella: Okay, I will need a red clothing, a basket full of food, a wig…

Jacob: Nevermind!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Jacob: So how do you feel about wolves?

Bella: They are furry, wet and stinky.

Jacob: I don't smell!

Bella: Oh! You mean you? I think you're just plain amazing!

Jacob: Really?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Jacob: I give a whole new meaning to… I forgot!

Bella: Tell me if you remember it. –WALKS AWAY-

Jacob: I remember now! Animal Attraction! Bella!

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Jacob: You look imprintable. I mean impeccable in that outfit.

Bella: Jacob, I'm wearing shorts and a shirt. Impeccable enough for you?

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Jacob: Hey baby, need a mechanic for that finely tuned body of yours?

Bella: I'm pregnant.

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Jacob: You know what they say, right? Once you go "Black" you never go back.

Bella: Are you saying I'm black?

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Jacob: You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket? I produce good heat.

Bella: You used that already. In Book 3: Eclipse. During camping.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Jacob: Did you win "best in show"? Because you sure are a winner to me.

Bella: Okay. I've got to admit, that was cute.

Jacob: At last!

Bella: Oh well… its Edward's turn.

**READ AND REVIEW! THANK YOU!**

**-IRONCOW**


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: READ AND REVIEW, PEOPLE! :) HOW HARD IS IT TO REVIEW? :)) JUST PUT A SMILEY, IT WOULD DO. :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**BY: IRONCOW**

Edward: Hi. The voices in my head just told me to come and talk to you.

Bella: We've been talking for hours, Edward. Have you eaten already?

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Edward: My sister can see the future. Let me give you a clue. It's me and you.

Bella: You got me pregnant. Of course, we'll be together.

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Edward: Am I dead? Because I think I just met an angel.

Bella: You suck. You really do.

Edward: Yes, of course I suck… Wait a minute.

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Edward: Pardon me. I… Hello? Damn it! She fainted, again! Why can't I stop dazzling people?

Bella: I didn't faint. I was sleeping you idiot.

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Edward: Have you been drinking, or do I just intoxicate you?

Bella: No and no. Our child has been feeding with my blood. That's why I look intoxicated.

Edward: You're pregnant? Am I the father?

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Edward: I have a private island called…

Bella: Named after Esme. I know. I've been there.

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Edward: I'm an addict. Will you be my heroin?

Bella: I know that already. You used that on me in Book 1: Twilight.

Edward: What book are you talking about? Jacob told me about that. Are you crazy or something?

**READ AND REVIEW! THANK YOU!**

**-IRONCOW**


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